這是一篇三月底準備四月的生活感想

30/03 2023 昨天經歷了兩場非常不愉快的面試，甚至現在回想起來我都會想說我做了很多努力但始終沒有結果，尤其是出國找工作這件事，我覺得他的面試條件比我想像中的更難許多。

Yesterday,I was being through two uncomfortable interview, I push myself to do a lot of affort but it couldn't give me any reward. I am really feel extremely dificult for british interviewer's quailify especially oversea interview.

其實花了很多時間去自責自己好像不夠好，也是因為未知的不確定因素常常會讓我們有這樣的決定。尤其我真的花了很多時間，去準備考題去準備考試去準備作品集，到最後得到的回饋可能就是說喔 你不是母語者 你不是英國人 你不是資深工程師。

I am always blam myself not good enough, i think most of reason is i don't understand to speak up myself by english convercation when get really harsh feedback by i am not an english speaker , i am not british. you are not a senior engineer

有時候我覺得社會本來就真的對人是豪不客氣的殘酷，我也蠻清楚也很了解這一點，所以每當一直在考試的時候我都會花一點心力在上，但最終很了解很多事情都必須要搭配上 天時地利人和這幾個單字。

but I am really understand this world is not welcome some people espeically we don't match any possilbly situation.eventually we know everything have fate to catch up with ourself.

我還記得斯里蘭卡的chinthy在台灣求職碰壁的時後，我大概很清楚其實這是所有非母語者都要焦慮跟害怕的事情，因為你永遠都沒辦法去超越或者想辦法達標某些條件，有時候是因為自身因素有些時候是因為外在環境就是這麼對你不利，我們的起跑點本就跟其他人不同，大家很容易就去譴責最近的條件或者去抱怨你做的努力不夠多，但其實說穿了我們只會抱怨眼前所看到的事情。

I was remember chinthy who come from Sri Lanke. He keeps get rejection from Taiwan industry base on his chinese speaking. I am clearly understnad that's all of non-native speaker should worry and afraitd. becasue you are never pass some quailify for some company.we knows how unfair for outside n but we still get blame you probably don't push yourself more harder, becasue we always understand what we see.

像我最近遇到的狀況是大公司裁員潮，市場的求職者比較多人，我在十二月的時候就很擔憂這個問題，所以如今到這個月找不到工作的時候，我內心大概有一個底，我現在跟很多資深工程師在搶工作，而且大家來自世界各地有不同工作經驗，我其實比較起來是有弱勢的。

the massive lay off to push so many candidate into the market. i was concern and worry in Decemeber. so I already have some base comprehesive about couldn't find the job. because i am challenging myslef to another senior developer which they have more work experience than me.

我懼怕的事情永遠其實就是我知道我怎麼努力也只是變成一個普通人而已，也發現自己可能在某些條件是沒有達標的，反正終究社會的洪流會告訴我們怎麼走下一步，就跟兩年前我覺得在澳洲已經沒辦法再撐下去了，最終也只能選擇各退一步回各自發展，如今狀況我想也是這樣吧

I am afraid of myself to be normal person no matter how much affort i push.I also discover myself couldn't reach some limit. otherwise we always know which next step by society's river, it just same situation what happened in Aus, I think that's always have answer when i realized we have to step back ourself.

我想我氣的點永遠都是知道自己的英文沒有追到母語等級，我想應該大概是Ｃ1-C2之間的狀況
所以我現在要做的事情也只能是一直讀一些英文文章讓自己能力在高一點但這也是評斷在其他人身上，因為我永遠沒辦法第一時間聽清楚問題的話那剩下的的確會造成困擾。

I think i was angry myself couldn't reach on the native speaker level, i couldn't do any more thing until i just read some article and start to make some common sense for myself.i think it make sense if i can't clearly understand issue and  it will cause problem.

今天試著跟josh討論說我不喜歡被強調到底英文有多不好，但我想我只是非常生氣當別人把你的標準評斷再因為你不是母語者講話沒有

最後希望線上求籤的籤詩可以給我一個好的方向，終究會有一個貴人知道我的優勢而願意給我機會在這個國家發展，如果沒有這個機會我也只能接受我並沒有辦法在英國的職場環境生存而已。

In the end  I get some lottery poetry said i will get some right person to know my advantage and provide some change for me,if i don't have this chance i think it just told me i can't survive in this british enviroment.